Woke up with casino security looking me in the eye. Officer Johnny was extremely endearing when he escorted me out of the casino, and out into the snow. Had to go back down to the bottom floor to get my jacket from the coat check that was closed. Security had to get it for me. I know, Efficient.
After that, made a bad decision and arrived at my home to find all of the doors locked, and bittersweet memories of my keys laying on my bed in my house that was locked. My wonderful decision tree then led me to pass out in the car and fall asleep, with my neck completely bent over. There is an increase of intensity when your body responds to harsh conditions. The freezing temperature led my body to react, and fill me with temporary instant super strength. Without any thought or consequences for my actions my foot decided to have intercourse with the door I found myself immersed in a heat wave as the door swung open.
At least I got to lay in my own bed; left to ponder what the hell happened after the party, and who I was supposedly with.
Lessons learned:
1- Make sure that you have a cell phone that holds a charge for more than an hour. Therefore, you can contact friends that may be able to help you out when you are unconscious.
2- Don't rely on people that you have only known for two months to help you out when you blackout.
3- Never Drive Drunk
4- Make sure that you have keys to open your house. Doors were made to be opened with a key not a foot.
5- Do not drink faster than you can pee. At the urinal, count by second the amount of time you actually pee for. This should be equivalent to the number of drinks that you have had so far. If your pee-time (in seconds) is less than the amount of drinks that you have consumed to that point. SLOW DOWN and start drinking water.
6- There is nothing more enlightening and humbling than posting all of this crap on the internet.
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